Sarah Rusca and Samantha Messersmith are sisters who have been there for one another through thick and thin. Which came in handy when Sarah’s fiance came to her days before their wedding and admitted to chronic infidelity.
You would think she would have called off the wedding, but you would be WRONG. The invites were sent and she was too embarrassed to share the nasty secret.
So she said I Do, even when he didn’t, and the infidelity continued for the four years she remained married.
Sarah is quick to say that her message here isn’t about infidelity or divorce. It’s about the bull shit we tell ourselves in times like these that things will work themselves out or that you can make this happen if you try hard enough. (insert sounds of me throwing up in my mouth a little)
“I became really good at ignoring the issues and brushing it under the rug”
When she came to her senses and got a divorce, she found herself all caught up in the drama and angst associated with low self-esteem and a beat-up heart.
When the dust settled, she realized it wasn’t about the cheating, the being put down or any of the other issues. It was about one thing-
why she allowed herself to be in unhealthy situations and found comfort in them “My comfort zone was chaos”
She discovered that there is a false image for women to accept the bull shit and just deal with it. She reminds us that life is going to happen and it is all about you respond you to it.
We chatted about how we have the power to control how we react to everything.
Samantha discussed how she spent her whole life living for the validation that came from being a people pleaser.
After she got married she was stretched so thin that she had put on weight, she was commuting 2 hours each way to work and she was miserable.
“I was lost, overwhelmed, out of control of her life”
Her A-Ha moment was in Cabo San Lucas when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and didn’t recognize herself.
She came home, got a book, got into therapy, lost 30 pounds and learned how to create healthy boundaries.
“my life is too precious to spend this way”
After the two stories, things got real. We spend time talking about the self-help world and how it really is up to us to stop the crap and get right with ourselves.
What I loved about this conversation is being true and honest about self-help. That we need to understand that reading self-help or getting therapy or coaching doesn’t change other people. What happens is we discover that there are jacked-up people in our lives, but they are under no obligation to change.
We are the ones who can change how we engage crappy people.
- We are accountable for ourselves
- Not everyone is going to like us
- I decide who I let into my life
- I decide what makes me happy
When you fall in love with Sarah and Samantha like I did, you can find out more about them at Never Be Average.
Then you can send me a note to say Thank You 🙂